Day 15: Grief is everywhere

It was in a simple email today. I’ve been avoiding my grief by creating distractions: writing, reading, taking long walks and pottery. And I found a friend that I could wallow gnashing of teeth. Like the company of the crowd at the feet of Jesus on the cross. I am there, dust covered face streaked with tears and snot running down my nose as I heave and cry and try to purge some of this pain that crucifies me at the break of every dawn sort of way, even though I am not the one dying or dead. And the crowd, cheering and jeering, at least, provides company, even if it is not the best.

Friends, I know you are near I know I am ugly and not just need, but want this distance, so that when it is my turn, you remember me well. The prettier, more put together version of me. Its not even me that I want you to remember. It’s him. Think of him and how he endured and was brave and smiled. Eat chocolate cake.

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